If I make a big deal out of my daughter’s birthday, she learns that celebration is important.  If I wake up in the morning and read my Bible, she learns that spending time with God is essential to the day.  If I watch a really stupid (but perfectly appropriate) YouTube video with her that she just LOVES, she learns that you can do hard things for the people you love. ​

All of these scenarios are real.  I have good days and I have bad days. We have birthday celebrations like her twelfth birthday, and off-years like number seven.  But through it all, I’m teaching her to navigate this imperfect world, and shine as her best self through it all.  So, maybe I’ll pat myself on the back after all.  Parents, give yourself the credit ...  we’re doing hard work…we’re doing just fine.

Sending you all of the love,

     Something new I’ve learned this past week
My daughter will choose sherbet over ice cream every time.  It doesn’t matter how many luscious ice cream choices are in front of her; if Rainbow Sherbet is an option, that’s what she’s getting.  I find it blasphemous.  I just watched her in bewilderment as she ignored (no joke) 29 OTHER flavors.  I’m curious…would any of my readers choose sherbet over ice cream?  Share your rationale with me!

     Something amazing I’ve consumed (be it food, book, tv show, song, etc…)
Y’all.  The Matthew West Podcast.  If you want to be encouraged, laugh, and have something positive in your day, you need to tune into this.  My daughter found this, as she’s recently been really into listening to West’s music, and we’ve enjoyed listening to his show together in the car.  Five stars, highly recommend. 


     A Good Word to encourage you.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 — But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I like to remember these verses when I’m feeling overwhelmed.  It reminds me that it’s okay and expected that I don’t always have it together.  But God’s grace is always there, and His grace is sufficient for me. 

I hope you're having a great week, friends!

Y’all.  It was a week.  After not being to work full-time in months, we all finally stepped into the studio together this week.  I’ve been in a constant state of tired since last Monday. What once would roll out of the studio effortlessly now takes a different kind of planning and preparation..  

Seventeen classes.  
Three class assistants.
Eight kids or fewer.  
Six feet apart.  
Fresh air.
Mask on. 
Mask off.
No hugs. 
Finding Zoom links.
“We’ll roll with whatever comes at us.”
“Thanks so much for your understanding.”
So much sanitizer.
So, so, so much sanitizer.
And Lysol.

Even though I could have used a nap every day, it was seriously the best kind of tired - the kind where you fall asleep with a sense of satisfaction over the activities of the day.

But I have to be honest with you.  Not that long ago, I was ready to walk away from the dance studio.  That will shock some of you who read this.  When I took my first class at age 3, I fell in love with dance.  It was that same day that I decided that I’d be a dance teacher someday.  And throughout these 30+ years, every decision and move I’ve made has been toward that dream.  There’s nothing else I ever wanted to do.  And for the past 13 years, that’s what I’ve done.  I have been so fortunate to be able to do what I love in the small town I love.  

But then - plot twist.  
A plot twist that didn’t just mess with my story, but with stories all around the world.  Enter the novel coronavirus.  COVID-19.  Is anyone else completely over it?  I know - the LAST thing you want is ANOTHER blog post and perspective about COVID.  But keep reading - there’s more to this message.

On March 15, the governor of Iowa announced that schools would be shutting down across the state to attempt to mitigate the spread of the virus.  And of course, businesses and organizations soon followed suit.  There I sat, watching television with my family, and it felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  I have to shut down the studio.  Oh my gosh.  What am I going to do?  I would imagine you were hit with stress, too.  Maybe fears of childcare, job loss, late bill payments - the distress that rocked our world is shattering.  For me, it began a bit of an unraveling.

There is a sense of security that comes from knowing what you want to do from a young age.  While others my age were lamenting over what they would do with their futures following high school, I was figuring out the steps I needed to make my already-completely-formed-plan happen.  There was never uncertainty for me.  The downside comes, however, when that perfectly-formed-plan becomes part of your identity.  I’ve been a dancer for forever, and all I’ve ever done is teach dance.  That is all there is.  

So, all of a sudden, I couldn’t do that.  At least, not in the way I’ve done for forever.  I had over a hundred kids who showed up to the studio every week; a hundred lives to teach.  And for the foreseeable future, we couldn’t be in the same room.  But I still had a business to run.  Families invested their time and their finances into my business - and I needed to uphold my end of the deal.  So, like every amazing business owner I know, I pivoted.​​

After a teary Facebook Live video with my dance families, we moved dance classes online for the rest of the season.  And it was fine. I’m thankful that technology exists.  I was thankful to see the faces of my students, hear their stories, meet their pets, see what they were having for dinner (for real, I got to know those humans in a whole new way).  But hard doesn’t begin to cover this season for me.  It was heartbreaking.  I felt lost, isolated.  Empty.  This is no exaggeration or dramatization.  It was hard.

Other small-business owners I know, love, and respect were facing similar struggles.  Every dance teacher and studio owner I know was in the same position.  It was (and still is) being said that online dance would be here to stay, at least to some degree.  And this knot in my stomach began to grow, and the joy I found in bringing dance to the people started to dim.

I said to Hubs more than once: “I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.”  
I confided in a few friends: “If this is what the studio is going to look like, I don’t want any part of it.”
I thought in my heart: “Maybe this isn’t what I’m meant to do.”
My mind raced: “But if you don’t teach dance, there is nothing else.  This is all you have.  This is all you are.”

Fusion was going to be done.

If you’ve found this blog, you surely noticed that its home is the Fusion DanceWorks website.  Fusion is still here.  The only reason for that is because I realized that teaching dance is not who I am - it’s what I do.  And more than that, I discovered the root of my passion for teaching.  Yes, I teach dance.  I teach dance because it’s a skill I know best.  But even if I never took that dance class when I was three, I would have taken whatever best-loved skill I had and used it to help others find joy.  That is my passion.  

When I am in the studio having dance class with my students, I learn so much more about them than how well they dance.  I see their eyes sparkle with exciting news; I hear the deep sighs of hard situations.  I notice how some keep their distance when they’re sad, how others sit closer and need a hand on their shoulder.  I instantly know if their day at school was tough or great.  That is what was making me feel so empty when we went online - those things didn’t translate through the computer screen.  I lost my connection to those kiddos.  But that loss connected me to my true purpose.  Isn’t it funny how that works out sometimes?​

Actually, that sense of loss and reconnection was the reason for creating this blog space.  If someone lands here and I am able to speak truth, love, and inspiration into his or her day, that can speak to my purpose.  I’m learning that the medium is not what’s important to me - be it dance, writing, a chat at the coffee shop, or sharing a book that I love.  I don’t want just my dancers to Dream Big and Work Hard…I want that for everyone.  For you.

          Something new I’ve learned this past week
Gluten-free pizza crust isn’t terrible.  We’ve been exploring some food intolerances with our daughter, and by elimination, we think gluten may be part of the problem.  So this week, we tried a pizza with a gluten-free crust.  And you know, it was pretty good.  Do you have any gluten-free favorites?  Share them with me, please!

          Something amazing I’ve consumed (be it food, book, tv show, song, etc…)
Caramel Lattes.  I was on a cold brew kick through the warm-weather months, and as autumn starts to arrive in Iowa, I’m rekindling my friendship with the triple-shot caramel latte from Pie-Eyed and Flakey.  It’s just as delicious as I remembered it.  Also, Ella’s been getting bougie and adding a shot of caramel to her hot chocolate…I’m pretty sure one day she’s going to have a coffee shop problem as concerning as mine.  

          A Good Word to encourage you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 — Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
I don't know if, in our modern times, we can say "just as in fact you are doing."  We have a kindness problem, friends.  So, let's take the first part of this verse to heart: Encourage one another and build each other up.  

Can I get an AMEN, people?  We can be so quick to compare where we are to where our neighbor is.  How many of you are or have been runners?  I was a runner for a few years after college and loved every minute of it, until my hips told me they’d rather not do that anymore.  But even so, let’s dive into this metaphor a bit so I can reminisce a little.  One of the first races I ran was the Quad Cities Marathon Relay.  Five of us divided up the marathon route, so I got to run a little over 3 miles of the full 26.2.  Some people were running that entire distance on their own, so by the time they crossed the finish line, they were completely gassed.  But I had a tribe to run with me, so we could all be super fresh for our own leg, and finish that race with strength.  Still others ran the half marathon.  They took a different route to shorten their distance.  But no matter which route was taken, we all finished, and we all crossed the same finish line. ​
​
We’re all running, everyday.  One may be running the 5K while another chooses the marathon.  Or maybe you’ve taken up permanent residence at the water station.  I’m going to be really blunt with you - your route is up to you alone. Like mine is up to me. You don’t get to have an opinion about where I am in my race.  Likewise, I don’t get to have an opinion about where you are.  Chances are, if I’m not speaking into your race with love, empathy, and understanding, I don’t know you well enough to say anything whatsoever about your race.  For some, those three miles are the farthest they’ve ever run, and they have every reason to be so proud.

You know what has been the most challenging race of 2020?  Figuring out how to educate all of these children!  And entertain them.  And feed them.  And keep them alive.  Okay, basically that’s just parenting, but hasn’t 2020 felt like the longest leg of this race so far?  And the debate about how to school our kiddos has been so heated, we’re almost afraid to speak of it.  I know that with every back-to-school conversation I’ve had this late summer and fall, questions of in-person, virtual, hybrid, and homeschool have been present. I asked a friend if her granddaughter was starting preschool, and asking if she’d be online or in-person was such a natural question to follow with.  
    So, before we get too far into this, we need to make one thing perfectly clear - there is no right answer.  If you approach this reading thinking I’ve got it all figured out, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.  I’m struggling to make the right decisions for my family of three, so I wouldn’t dare presume to know what’s right for your family.  Okay?  Okay. ​

Friends, school is a RACE.  Every kid is running at their own pace; some are taking different routes.  We want them all to get to the finish line somehow.  And in a season such as this, lots of parents have concerns.  Welp, my kid forgot everything she learned before March 2020.  Will my child learn anything if he’s not physically in a school building?  What will the quarantine plan look like?  What happens if our entire family gets sick?  I cannot do remote learning with my kids!  Okay, deep breath everybody.  Yes, these are concerns.  And these issues only run deeper when you have kiddos with an Individualized Education Program (IEP), or kids that need the additional services our schools provide.  So, yes - there is a lot to think about right now - for parents, educators, and administrators.

So then we start to consider our options - In-person instruction?  Virtual?  Homeschool?  Where do we even start, guys?  It’s so overwhelming!  And yes, I’ve had countless, rattled conversations with dear friends trying to wade through it all.  But here comes my annoying optimism.  Shouldn’t we count it a gift that we live in a world where all of these options are possible?  Yes, yes - each of these options have pros and cons.  But every single one is going to help your kid through their race.

Our family chose the path of homeschool this year.  I think we were in the perfect storm to make that choice.  At our house, there is a mom, a dad, one kid, and two cats.  Dad works during the day; Mom works in the afternoon and evening.  The kid has a pretty easy time with learning and has had some fantastic teachers along the way to prepare her for this moment.  The cats are a complete pain in the butt.  That point is not particularly important to this story.  As we were looking at our options for Ella this school year, homeschool was the option that we kept coming back to.  You know what my biggest hang-up was?  What other people would think.

I have always been an enthusiastic, unapologetic supporter of our local school district.  We have the best teachers and administrators.  I was so excited to see their Return to Learn plan for the school year, because I knew they were going to put the best plan forward for our students.  And they certainly did.  But as I considered consistency, and the probability of time in quarantine, and how crazy the schedule can get as the year goes on, my anxiety level started to climb with how I was going to manage.  And with Husband working in agriculture, I knew the idea of not going to work for two weeks in the fall if we got stuck at home was not going to fly.  In the end, we decided to take control of what we could.  We were going to keep Ella home.  And if we were going to keep her home, we may as well create a curriculum just for her.

​I never thought the words “home” and “school” would come out of my mouth together, guys.  Here are some of the thoughts that kept me up at night:  It’s just too out there, too different.  I’m going to look unsupportive of our school and teachers.  I’m going to be a pariah.  I’m going to screw up my kid.  She’s going to lose all of her friends.  Guys, I made myself sick.  Worrying about the maybes and the what ifs was not serving me in a productive way.  So, yeah - the choice to homeschool definitely did nothing positive for the anxiety right away.  It absolutely made it worse.  

Something new I’ve learned this past week
 When you’ve just had a new water line put in, and then you get a thousand inches of rain in one night, all of the dirt and rocks will wash away and leave a big hole in the ground.  Who knew?  
Apparently everyone but me.  While I looked out and assumed the water line was ruined and our house was going to fall into the earth, husband had already assumed it happened and was on his way to get some rock.  
I'm thankful for a spouse who sees those needs and acts on them quickly, and also for the City Guys in our small town who have been so much help.  (Yes, there is still a hole.  Apparently dirt has to settle.  Again, who knew? Answer - everyone but me. HA!)

Something amazing I’ve consumed (be it food, book, tv show, song, etc…)
Have you heard the new-ish album from Steffany Gretzinger?  She used to be a featured singer with Bethel Music, but this solo endeavor, Forever Amen, is AMAZING, y’all.  The song “No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus” sings me to sleep every night.  It is SO beautiful, and powerful, and true.  Here is the lyric video.  Enjoy.
​

A Good Word to encourage you.
1 Thessalonians 5:15 - Rejoice Always. 
My daughter, Ella, finished her homeschool work early on Tuesday, and from her room I heard her holler, “REJOICE ALWAYS!” Amen, kiddo.  Amen.

Do you remember the Gin Blossoms?  Admittedly, I’m even a little too young to have appreciated them in their prime.  I heard their music on the radio, but was far too innocent and wide-eyed to appreciate their angsty pop melodies.  But in 2007, on the road trip where I got my first and only tattoo, I was at a used CD store in LaCrosse and found a copy of their album “New Miserable Experience” and had to buy it.  It was put on immediate rotation in my Pontiac Grand Am (along with the George Michael Anthology I bought at the same CD store).  

One of their most popular songs from 1992 was “Hey Jealousy.”  You may not know many of the lyrics to that song, but I’m sure you know the catchy two-word chorus that repeats the title over and over. 

But that cheery tempo disguises a sad story of a no-longer-love.  Juxtaposition, right?  Cheery melody, sad words.  Sound familiar? 

Ok, go with me here.  I’m sure we can all relate to that theme of cheery melody, sad words.  Everything can seem like it’s going wrong, but we still plaster on an insincere smile, telling the world that everything is fine.  We all do that. 
Oh, you don’t?  Liar.  Ope - maybe we don’t know each other well enough for me to say that, yet.  Please don’t leave.  Well, even if you leave, know that I called you out in love, okay? 


Have any of these scenarios ever been true for you?
She has nicer clothes than me.  So I smile when I’m with her and act like everything’s fine, but inside I feel less than.
Their vacation looked like a dream.  I comment how amazing it looks and that I’m so happy they enjoyed it, but inside I wish I had been there or that I could provide that for my family.
He got a promotion at work.  I go and congratulate him on his success, but inside I’m wondering how much money he’s earning now, and rethink every business choice I’ve ever made.

My feelings of joy for them aren’t insincere.  But they’re met with judgement of myself.  I let my insecurity take away from their joy.  Jealousy is ugly, guys.  It assumes that only one of us gets to have nice things.  And that’s just not true.  The great thing about success is there’s enough for everyone. HER success does not equal MY failure.  And I already know this is going to be a hard thing for a lot of you to accept, because it definitely runs counter to what a lot of us have practiced throughout our lives.

Here’s an example.  I am super competitive, guys.  That may not be super obvious to many of you since competitive sports definitely aren’t my thing.  Even when I take my dancers to competition, we are not out to “get” anyone else.  We are there to show up and do our best, right?  Well, let me invite you to the next game night at my house.

I’m ruthless, y’all.  It’s probably the only-child in me - I have to win.  And if I don’t win, I’ll probably pout.  And then I won’t want to play anymore.  Or I’ll make you play until I win a round.  (That’s a true story that Hubs likes to tell, about when I made him play Rummikub until 2am until I finally beat him after no less than 368 rounds.  He was so annoyed with me).  Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t how success works.  Yes, I can love to win; to succeed.   But that doesn’t have to mean I want you to fail.  Remember what I told you last week?  I love to watch people succeed.  Because I understand that doesn’t mean I have to fail.  

In The Message translation of scripture, 2 Corinthians 10:12 reads like this: “We’re not, understand, putting ourselves in a league with those who boast that they’re our superiors. We wouldn’t dare do that. But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point.” Other people are going to do things, guys.  They’re probably going to do good, impressive things.  It doesn’t mean they’re better than you, more important than you, more impactful than you.  It means that they did a good, impressive thing.  I mean, can you imagine - what would have happened if James Wright, inventor of silly putty, got into a Twitter-feud with Richard James, inventor of the Slinky, over who’s toy was cooler? Y’all - they are both good, impressive time-wasters.  Let’s just let them both be good, okay?

I’m not sure if you know this, but — there are other dance studios in the world.  I know, I know - It’s shocking.  And what’s even more shocking is I’m too aware of my flaws to propose that I’m the best out there.  And I’ll tell you, I know some truly fantastic dance teachers.  But just because they are great doesn’t make me less than.  What it means is the world has some amazing options for their dance needs.  The more people there are teaching dance in the world, the more people will be touched by the power of dance.  That is a beautiful thing, guys.  Here’s a great example.  My dear friend Brennan runs a show choir studio called BEAT in Indiana with her wifey, Ly.  They have built an outstanding business, where their students are taught well, loved well, and pushed to be their best.  I am in constant awe of what they’ve created.  Their success inspires me to be all of that for my community.  They have done a good, impressive thing.  I am so proud of them.  

Okay, here’s the wrap up.  BE PROUD OF EACH OTHER, GUYS.  Be an encourager; be a cheerleader.  Let’s revisit those earlier scenarios:
She has nicer clothes than me.  So I smile when I’m with her ** and tell her how much I like her style.
Their vacation looked like a dream.  I comment how amazing it looks and that I’m so happy they enjoyed it**.
He got a promotion at work.  I go and congratulate him on his success**.

The extra isn’t necessary.  Now, those feelings and impulses may not go away by tomorrow, but be aware of them and start to flip the script.  We can celebrate one another without tearing ourselves down.  We can and we must.  Instead of saying “Hey Jealousy”,  let’s learn to tell it good-bye.